Week 3.
Well, week 3 seems to be going pretty well so far. Fights and frustration seem to be giving away to understanding and some mutual respect for both of us moving forward. There are plenty of things that I am concerned about, but at the moment I only feel comfortable voicing them with people on the internet. I think I'll run this like a doctor visit and they ask you what's wrong... or more importantly how you've been feeling...
I've been reading a lot about PTSD (post traumatic stress syn), and RTS (rape trauma syndrome) to find out that my GF is definitely lost somewhere in there. I'm unsure as to discuss the symptoms (educational and hopefully comforting), problems that can arise from these trauma's going unresolved, and just general thoughts on other preductive things that can happen from this event. I will press her again this week to go see a psychiatrist but I can definitely see it going badly (doesn't mean I won't do it!). I lately have been really interested in her discussing her trauma with a professional because I think that she needs someone else other than me to speak to. I get the feeling that there is a large amount of guilt in her still and I know that I can't make thatgo away. The nicer I am, the more concerned I am... the more guilt she will probably feel. She probably even feels that she did this to me. Either way, I think an objective authority will be helpful for her to really release any of those deep emotions (anger, guilt, hate) before they evolve into something much more destructive.
HIV. She's on her 3rd week of PEP pills to help prevent the virus HIV from attacking and multiplying within her T-cells. It seems as though there are good odds of prevention. Unfortunately she was at high-risk, but still... odds are in her favor. Unfortunately, we will not be able to have unsafe sex again until her last 6 month checkup. Not so exciting... but, so far, sex is probably one of the last things we need to be thinking about. Which brings me to my final topic.
Sex. We've already had sex four times (obviously with condoms and I'm well aware of the risk), but I'm getting the feeling that this will be one hell of a slippery slope for us for a LONG TIME. Here's a little background, we have had a lot of sex in the past and neither one of us would ever been interested in changing that. I know that she and I were very much on the same page when it comes to sex (sadly our relationship was probably 25-35% sexual connection, though we were working on that), but obviously now, this will (or may not) change. She shows a lot of interest in her life to going back to normal and that's what I allowed her. BUT I'm starting to feel like sex will be completely different and that she was just hoping that it wouldn't by us having sex those four times. Also, I should say that I haven't pressured her in any way other than that she is well aware that my ex had sex issues with me and that I didn't like that. But there is also a world of difference between sex once a week at age 28, and sex 2-3 times a day! I don't mind at all if she wants to wait 6 months... well, maybe a little, but I'll DEAL WITH IT. I just have no control over her head... and just hope for the best. and if there's anything I hate... it's hope.
I could use some thoughts about what I should do if anything about sex. Does anyone have experience with this situation? Are there things I have already done wrong? Are there things that I should watch out for? I'm actually really nervous that she'll leave me for someone else that won't know that she was raped and can live a normal life again (well, minus the huge white elephant of denial in the room) but you get the idea... Is that even realistic or am I going a little crazy too???
Thanks anyone.
